If you want to see something pretty funny, head on over to www.aintitcool.com and check out the talkbackers ripping me to shit here. I guess I sort of assumed that the only people who posted on Aint It Cool News talkbacks were fourteen-year-olds swapping insults between jerk sessions, so it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me to post something specifically designed to offend people.
For example: Cunt-Bomb-Jerusalem.
However, I forgot that the key to any successful talkback is immediately criticizing whatever is posted, fact or opinion. It turns out, that everyone on the internet is offended by naughty language. So offended that they decided to give me over 1000 pageloads on www.twinshore.com between now and the time that Harry posted the review this morning. That's right, it hasn't even been a day yet, and over 300 new people have already read Kyle and Vlad, as a result of me telling them to "Eat Shit." They hated my review, were disgusted with my choice of language, belittled my writing style, and claimed that I was less funny than the guy who wrote "American Pie," (which is apparently some sort of mecca of funny in internet culture). And in order to prove just how much they hate me, they decided to all read my webcomic, giving it the most hits it's ever received in a single day. One guy even posted on the blog! Check the American Dreamz post for proof. I think it's the guy who posted one of my favorite comments on Aint-It-Cool too, saying something to the effect of "I shouldn't expect anything more from someone who's 20." I think that's pretty funny, because I shouldn't expect anyone over 20 to be posting on a movie website populated by people with Star Wars bedsheets. Granted, there's some hypocrisy in me having submitted a review to a website with a fanbase I'm insulting, but the fact is--there's a large difference between the people who read a website, and the people who're willing to post a message about it.
The difference is: People who read a website for information are human beings,
And message board posters are fucking clown shoes.
It's adorable that so many people were up in arms about my review, because to me, I don't think I could have written it any other way. I love reading Ain't it Cool Talkbacks, because I am looking to be offended. It doesn't have anything to do with swear words either. It's about self-righteous idiots insulting other self-righteous idiots. No matter how asinine the news story is, people find some way of justifying the posting of an even MORE asinine statement.
Example:
If Harry posted news about a new Pokemon movie, someone would post a comment about how Pokemon sucks compared to Digimon.
Then someone would post a comment about how all anime is bad, because the animation is shitty.
Then someone else would post a comment about how the previous person obviously hasn't been watching the right anime, because Cowboy Bebop really picks up in the later episodes.
Then another person would call that person a cocktaint.
Do you see what I'm getting at? These people are dying to have a conversation, but they're too inept to start one that doesn't begin with one asshole typing "First" in a subject line. Nobody they've met in reality will validate their opinions, so they send a sentence into the void, hoping to spark something in absense of, you know, having friends.
It's cute and all, but I also like talking to people. I guess that's what makes you and me different, internet.
But thanks again to all my new fans for the pageloads! I'll have to remember from now on that the key to my success is saying the exact thing that'll piss you off.
The Pope's a Homo! Have a great one!
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24 comments:
brilliant strategy you bloody pigclit!
bravo, what a wonderful breakdown of message boarders. although, as a blogger, i can't see how you are putting yourself above message boarders. seriously. blogging is just like having your own message board where all you do is reply to yourself. you self righteous bastard! Nice of you to slip in "cocktaint" into your blog though, i don't see that word enough.
I think you shouldn't forget that a lot of people at AICN were also giving you shit because you aren't a good writer.
If I'm such a bad writer, why do you keep reading my stuff?
Oh. Right. The no-friends thing. Sorry, man.
You're right. I'm the one who sucks.
Actually, I wish I didn't have to read your blog but I do. Your blog was picked, among many others as part of The Human Condition Project at MIT. I am charged with reading it, and providing updates to my superiors. The project deals with the social culture on the internet, and how it effects the world we live in today. I think your blog was picked because it's a great example of hypocrisy towards others. As well as the fact that you are a Grade A cuntflap whose writing is clearly indicative of how socially inept you would be should your computer be taken from you. I look forward to finishing my research into how much you suck.
P.S- I know you probably have some witty line ready, but yeah, don't go there. Yes, I go to MIT and yes, even intelligent people unlike yourself tend to use words like "cuntflap".
sugar coated suppository of satire. right.
me no write gud so me no understand what MIT mean
is it means your mom lick pussy?
good pussy taste?
me hope she not dead
then me emburrsd
"As well as the fact that you are a Grade A cuntflap whose writing is clearly indicative of how socially inept you would be should your computer be taken from you."
Wow, that's so bad that I must have written in it!
Keep it up, gang! I'm this close to stopping the blog forever!
congrats on being the most hated man on two websites, one of which is your own. your trophy's on the way. i can only hope you're as popular with the ladies...
and dude, as crappy a writer as you are, i know you can come up with a more imaginative insult than clown shoes in reference to message boarders. try this one on for size: you're a poo-stabbing douchebag fucktard and your crappy blog makes me wish the holocaust happened to me and not my relatives. oh burn!
I'm only popular with that research guy's lesbian mom, but she still gives great head, (when you hit her hard enough.)
I can't wait for the trophy, because I'm doing a scientific essay on them for my superiors. I think it was selected because BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH I AM FULL OF SHIT
I don't understand. How is he a bad
writer? I thought his review was very
good.
Dude,
Please keep posting reviews at AICN... the powers that run that joint have gone way too soft and the inmates are definitely running the asylum. Keep poking them in the eyes with your cock!
"research student": As a friend of Matt's, I assure you that he is considerably more socially capable than anyone who's ever used the phrase "Yes, I go to MIT" as a synonym for "No, seriously, I'm smart!" when writing to a stranger on the internet. And as a Fermilab physicist, I'm terribly unimpressed that you read blogs for MIT.
Being a student at MIT makes his point more valid, apparently.
I thought the review was hilarious. Thanks.
Thanks, really. My analysis of how your defense mechanisms consist of licking the cunt of a lesbian woman is going to be a hit. And before you accuse me of having no life for researching by reading blogs, at least I have a job that might possibly make me useful to the human race. Then again, I have you to thank for all this wonderful data. I noticed in your profile you say your favorite movies are only movies in color, that alone makes me doubt any validation your opinion would possess in terms of cinema. I think your next post should be on your favorite book, you know that German one. Then we can all read it and be witness to your masterful plan to conquer the world with wanton stupidity. Keep up the blogging, I love it.
Sincerely and without hate,
Research Student
I don't like black and white movies because of how my political party was portrayed in Casablanca.
Secondly, were you actually capable of heading a research project, let alone capable of working in the cafeteria at MIT, you'd probably realize that it's a bad idea to inform your subject of study that he's being watched halfway through the experiment. That's called a "variable." I'm sure Bill Nye taught you a sweet song about them at some point.
Are you the same guy with the autistic brother? Because I'd kind of rather talk to him.
(Just kidding!!! I hate retards! Keep reading!)
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Oh those witty MITer's. They feel that because they're on the internet all day they have jobs that are better than ours. Oh wait, most kids at MIT actually are doing research on important things and don't even have time to go online. My bad. At least we now know what the "slow" kids at MIT do.
I'm glad that I now know the research student is out there. Now I know that people at MIT have to go to school with the mentally handicapped like him and thus can become better, more sympathetic citizens. Wes and the Perfect Arian Child never talk about this outreach program MIT has.
clown shoes...i still dont get it. little help?
That's called a "variable." I'm sure Bill Nye taught you a sweet song about them at some point.
ZING!
Point and match.
Geez, m@, I leave you for two seconds and people are trying to kill you.... hahaha.
I don't understand how we can try and make ourselves seem intelligent (with, perhaps, the hopes of sounding superior?) by insulting someone.
Also, doesn't it somehow breach some researcher's rule by posting and attacking the subject? unless of course you were requested to do so by the project coordinators, in which case MIT has some pretty strange projects (and seemingly unlawful because if you are to antagonize the subject, they should have to sign a waiver). Actually, I'm almost incensed to the point that I want to report this to MIT and have them find you and remove you from this project (which yes, does seem to have some value to people somehow, but not when you lash out at the subjects!)
hehe, and i almost went there...
i heart you m@!
-mia
As another MIT grad student who lived in M@'s dorm last year, I can personally attest to having watching silent Charlie Chaplin films and him enjoying them thoroughly...until he realized that Chaplin mocked Hitler in The Great Dictator...
Sad, so sad. And I've waisted the last 30 minutes of my life on this? I figured I'd waste another few minutes just to let you know that yes, your review on AICN did bring me to your blog (though I don't actually visit the site – I was just searching on Google for articles/comments on the comparison of the President in "American Dreamz" with Pres. Bush); however my reasoning for greatly disliking your review weren't the same as what you think are many others' reasons. I was not offended by the language (even though most of it isn't language I'd use myself very often) and I certainly can't defend "American Pie" or its follow-ups. It's the fact that you have admitted (though it was not hard to put 2-and-2 together) you just wanted to get a rise out of people and face the backlash.
There are phenomenal reviewers out there. There are great, insightful bloggers out there. You are neither, because to me a goal for each (though I really feel bad for putting the world of film and the world of politics, philosophy, science, and religion on the same level) should be discussed in an evenhanded format that can disagree without attack and can also be open to even the possible idea that one's opinion might not be the correct one. It's this "I know a lot of people disagree with me, and they're so far beneath me in intellect and taste that it only serves to further prove I'm right" attitude.
The bad words? Whatever. The harsh criticism of a movie I haven't even seen yet, and whose director didn't impress me with the 3 movies of his which I have seen? Couldn't possibly care less. The mindset behind your harsh cursing and your personal desire to be attacked for it? Simply a hope that the entire world is not filled with such close-minded, self-involved, superiority complex-laden individuals.
Wow, that was longer than expected. I hope I made sense (my sleeping pills are kicking in and I've been stressed with work all week).
Jeez, that last kid is a big blubbering vagina if i ever saw one
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