Rosenkyle and Guildenvlad are Dead

You heard it here first. There won't be any more Kyle and Vlad comix.

I feel like thirty's a good number to top out at. No use checking the site anymore. There won't be any updates made, unless I get some crazy change of heart.

Also, I'm still skeptical about the rat-killing job. I put off going in for job training because I also got an e-mail saying that the on-campus theater is looking for a security guard. I am pretty secure, so I think think this might be a better fit. However, you might be asking yourself, "Self, why won't Matt just take the job slaughtering animals like we all want him to? Why? What sort of God would allow this?" A Christian one, that's what.

Yesterday, the human being (note: irony, she is a bitch) who told me about the lab assistant position cornered me to probe me for information. Apparently she'd heard that I was having second thoughts about building rat-mind-control devices, and she wondered if she might be of assistance---say, by being a total clitknocker. Let's watch!

Human Being: (sits an inch away from the couch I'm sitting at, precariously perching on a table barely able to support her immense weight) HELLO.

Me: Why're you sitting so uncomfortably close to me?

Human Being: (ignoring this) I heard that you were going to quit the sleep lab without telling anyone. That's kind of a dick move.

Me: What?

Human Being: Yeah, that's what I heard. Because you shouldn't do that, because I know those people.

Me: What do you mean, "you heard?"

Human Being: Sten told me.

Me: Who the fuck is Sten?---(seconds pass) Oh, fuck, right. Well, don't listen to Sten. Sten's crazy. He has webcam sex with his girlfriend.

Human Being: You can't just quit, you know? That'd totally be a jerky thing to do.

Me: I'm not quitting. I just got a different job offer, and was a little off-put initially by the unmentioned amount of mouse head-slicing that my new job entails.

Human Being: (condescendingly) That's how they study their sleep.

Me: Right. Sure. I'm not arguing that. I'm saying, in my mind, "Sleep Lab" plus "Rats" does not immediately connotate brain-fucking.

Human Being: Well, you wouldn't be performing surgery on the mice! Just making the probes.

Me: Oh, good. So, I'm not the guy operating the electric chair, I'm just the guy who makes the cool metal hat.

Human Being: No, it's not like that.

Me: Really? Because I feel like its the equivalent of me being asked to put a hubcap on a tire, only to find out later that the tires are used for Nazi Jew-Killing Dune Buggies.

Human Being: None of the mice are Jewish.

Me: I'm not sure that's the issue.

Human Being: Look, you're just making the probes and changing the cages. You're not operating the rat guillotine.

Me: Well, of course I'm not operating the rat guillo--

(pause)

Me: ---Rat guillotine?

Human: Yeah. (smiling) You hold them down and the blade cuts off the head, then your squeeze out the blood to check the hormone levels.

Me: You're not exactly selling me on this.

Human: It's just science.

Me: (puts headphones back in ears) Welp, look at the time, I think you have a meeting to go to.

Human: Oh, right. The Mouse Gas Chamber Council. Later!

And Scene. Guess which part of that was true. If you guessed "Rat Guillotine," you'd be right.

Dead Right.